23 Years So Far

3rd October 2007.
23 years ago, I came to this world not knowing anything but perhaps the basic survival instincts. 23 long years have passed since... And looking back, I'm thankful that I have grown up through the years. Through these 23 years, it is apparent that it can be separated into several stages.

The first stage: The Student 1984 - 2002
Through the first 18 years of my life, I have devoted myself to studies, and have always prided myself on being able to catch on to new ideas and concepts taught in most subjects. Hardworking and studious, I was eager and excited to try out all kinds of knowledge. Then, I believe in truth and logic -- that for everything, there must be a purpose and truth. I was quite a nerd frankly, and I didn't see socialising and forming friends as important as studies. Studies was pretty much my top and only priority. It was what I loved to do. It was what I'll rather do then go out with friends most of the time.

The second stage: The Skeptic (2003 - 2005)
After my compulsory education in the top schools in Singapore, I was enlisted into the army, where I am suddenly thrown into a world where your brains need not work. With so much excess time on my hands in the evenings, I started to read quite a lot. Especially on self-improvement and philosophy. This was also the time where I started to wonder about the "serious issues of life" like the meaning of life. As I thought a bit too much, coupled with the monotonous life in the army, I somewhat grew into a skeptic, doubting many things in life and not believing in many things. Pessimism and minor depression slowly crept into my life, as I started to be convinced that there is really little meaning to life. It was a tiring time for my soul, where I seemed to live a purposeless life. Such dejection struck me rather hard, and I found many of my previous agility in thinking and learning to have deteriorated significantly.

The third stage: The Child (2005 - now)
As I stepped into NUS, I started to meet all sorts of astounding people in the University Scholars Programme (USP). This was really where I started to mentally grow out of my old thinking. However, I was quiet during my first year, still content with living my own quiet life with just a small circle of friends and classmates. Fortunately for me, I managed to convince myself to give USC Freshmen Orientation Camp a shot as an OGL. I have heard how interesting and memorable it'll be. It did more than that. It changed my life.

Through the camp and dance, I managed to make a lot of new amazing friends from USC. Joining activity after activity after the camp, I got to know more people and build stronger bonds with quite a few people. Taking a leap of faith to join the USC Management Committee as the Honorary Financial Secretary, I threw myself headfirst into the unknowns, knowing (and hoping) that I would be in good company. And I was.

As the treasurer, I was involved in many of the activities organised. In fact, I wanted to be part of many of the activities myself, not only as the treasurer... From interactions with many people, I have been further intrigued by their beliefs, drive and motivation that pushes them to live their dreams. I decided that perhaps I can do the same. And I started to read again, and this time, the revelations inspired by the books are quite different. One of the most important paradigm shifts for me, was that sometimes, it really doesn't matter.

And here I am. I have realised the many mistakes I've made in my decisions and mindsets, and I'm now just an immature child playing around in this field of teenagers. I have a lot to learn. Personal skills. Interpersonal skills. Discipline... In a way, you can say I'm lagging behind most people in terms of skills development by a couple of years at least.

There is a lot for me to catch up indeed. I have fallen behind many of my peers. But at least, this time I'm rather sure that I'm on the right track. =) All I need now is the intelligence to know what steps to take, and the strength to follow through the steps through the darkest hours. I have wasted perhaps 10 years of life. But I'm not going to lose any more time. =)